Critical Point.

So here we are. Loch is six weeks old, plus a day, if you're being picky. Things around here are back to as normal as they ever get. And I'm feeling obsessed with finding clothes that fit me. Let me lay out for you the joys of having five kids in ten years. The time can be divided into three or four major phases:

Pregnancy: Regular clothes fit for the first few months (less if it's not the first baby). Maternity clothes are hard to find, expensive, and universally unflattering. Plus, they never seem to take into account that pregnant women might gain weight in their boobs and arms, not just get a mondo-belly. I've pretty well gotten through this phase by amassing a collection of very long, stretchy t-shirts. Pants are another problem, since I hate the claustrophobia-inducing ones with a big kangaroo-pocket in the front that comes up over the belly. I'm so short-waisted they tuck under my bra. Underbelly ones look better and feel better, but slide right off my bumless body, so I'm constantly hitching them up.

Postpartum: Hey, it's Nature's cruel joke that women still look all wodgy and pregnant for a few weeks after the baby comes. The best bet is to hold the baby in front of the Santa-belly. Maybe it's like a built-in nursing pillow. Who wants to wear maternity clothes for another two or three months? NO ONE! My regular pants are still just too tight through the abdomen for comfort or appeal. Clingy shirts are not cool, since they hug the unfortunate areas and are too tight to pull up easily to feed the ravenous baby without baring my wobbly midsection. This is a very sensitive time, hormonally. Not the best time to sit around all day in shirts that are big enough to fit the whole rest of the family into. It's hard wearing things that I feel frumpy in, but I'm too cheap to spring for a wardrobe I hope will be too big in another month.

Nursing: Postpartum is included in the nursing phase, but babies need to be breastfed for at least a year. Most of the rest of the body is back to normal by then. Hopefully. Nursing is easy, if you don't wear a bra and wear a men's t-shirt big enough for a trucker. The baby could be tucked up under and just look like one more lump on a misshapen body. Okay, that's not what I'm going for. There are cute nursing clothes out there. I just have a hard time paying 25 dollars for an ugly shirt or 75 for a cute one. I need something that looks like a cute and flattering regular shirt, that discreetly offers access to a hungry baby. I'm probably going to have to make my own. In all my sewing free time, that is.

Not Pregnant, Not Breastfeeding: I'm not sure this phase has lasted for longer than about two weeks for me. It sounds nice.

Now, just add my preference for clothes that are practical, affordable, a bit sexy (I'm not a slutty teenager, but I'm not Mother of the Bride, either), and a little bit funky. Um. I get it. I'm asking too much. I'll give up and go buy an XXL Hanes T-shirt. And wallow in my misery.