Where Did the Party Go?

If you don't know who John Green is, you should.  He writes deep and meaningful and important YA books.  He also became a You Tube star/celebrity by spending a year interacting with his brother Hank only in the form of hilarious and informative videos.  Together, they are the are the Vlogbrothers and have invented Nerdfighters, a positive and socially conscious community of, you guessed it, nerds.  (Nerdfighters don't fight nerds, they fight  to Decrease World Suck.)  Imagine someone who is an award-winning author, but you can also watch him drink a blendered Happy Meal on a dare, or recreating his most embarrassing adolescent picture.  He's an award-winning author, and also this guy:

In the video above, at about 2:20, John talks about exhaustion and a depression spiral.  He says that in the past, when depressed, he would feel overwhelmed and exhausted.  In response to those feelings, he would do less.  Later, if he felt more overwhelmed and exhausted, he would do less and less and less...until he was eventually doing nothing.

He realized that when he did less, he was not only cutting back on the things that were stressful and draining for him.  He was also eliminating the things that made him happy, the things that filled up his reserves of strength and resiliency.

These concepts have been buzzing around in my head for two or three days.  I have been down for the last few weeks and it is becoming increasingly difficult for me to enjoy things I normally do.  It is easier to make excuses for not going places, and when I do go do something, I might feel terrible.

Toby pointed out last night that my current low is much less severe than the one a year ago.  I exercise a little, I do math, and I play drums.  These are all things that fill me up and make me happy.  Right now, they are my life preservers.

We will go on vacation in a couple of weeks, and as soon as we return, I will be going back to school.  I am taking Junior Block this semester, so I will have thirteen hours of classes.  I am frankly terrified about it.  I still have a huge family to care for, and a business to help run.  For the next several months, my time is fully occupied.

I'm writing this to remind myself not to cut out the good things, the ones that fill me up and make me happy.  I think school will make me happy, too.  But I don't want to be overwhelmed and exhausted and cut out the little things that give me energy to keep going.