Name that Mental Illness.

Signs and symptoms include:

• Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings
• Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism
• Feelings of guilt, worthlessness, or helplessness
• Irritability, restlessness
• Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex
• Fatigue and decreased energy
• Difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions
• Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping
• Overeating, or appetite loss
• Thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts
• Aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment.

All of these, except I'm not suicidal and I've a double dose of irritability.  I feel like there's an anvil of awful on my chest and I try to make Toby and the kids take the blame for it.  Not being fair makes me feel like more of an asshole, which makes the anvil even bigger.

(Information from here.)

Large Family Mythbusting.

I keep noticing that when I'm talking to people about how many kids we have, there are some common assumptions.  I don't know if these things are common to all people who choose to have a pile of children, but I'm going to tell you how it is for us.

"You are so blessed."

Yeah, I think we are, they're all pretty awesome and healthy and even kinda cute.  Thanks.  But, um, sometimes they drive me crazy.  Now I feel guilty, so thanks for that, too.

"You are so blessed." (With sarcasm.)

Hey, you may assume that I while I wear shoes in public, at home I'm chained in the kitchen, barefoot and pregnant at all possible times.  We don't swing that way.  In spite of your prejudices, intelligent women with the ability to make informed choices in regards to their lives sometimes choose to have a litter-worth of kids.  That's me.

"You certainly have your hands full."

Yes, and you should see my car and my house.  Want to hold one?  Especially whichever one's leaking.

"You must be a wonderful mother/parent."

So much guilt here.  I am not a great mother or even a nice person sometimes.  I am NOT better at it
than a parent with one kid.  I am constantly wondering if I'm somehow neglecting one of them, like the quiet, unassuming and nonpushy type ones especially.  I have to hope that the interaction they have with each other makes up for it somewhat.

"Catholic or Mormon?"

Mormon.  But I don't ever remember getting the memo that we had to do things this way, and I am contrary enough that I don't think just being told would change my mind if I didn't want to have lots of kids.  Trust me, if you knew me, you'd agree.

"You must really like kids."

Not all of them, just the cool ones.  All of mine are pretty cool, by the way.  How convenient!

"How do you pay for everything?"

With corsets.  Also, money can be exchanged for goods and services.  They have clothes to wear and food to eat and a roof over their heads.  We have a car that can seat all of us.  What don't we have?  We don't have a cable bill or a boat or lots of new things.  We're okay with cultivating a load of offbeat people who wear funky thriftstore clothes.

"Don't you have a TV?"  (Personal fave.)

Yeah, we use it to distract the kids so we can have sex.

End of an Era.

I'm the type who has trouble with endings.  Those parenting books which talk about how to transition your kid to a new activity?  They were written for people like me.  I go all toddlery when I have to stop doing what I'm absorbed in or used to.

Today is the first Thursday of my sister's internship for college.  She currently cuts hair for a living, and has always had one day of the week free and worked on Saturdays.  We all meet at my Mom and Dad's house, about five miles from here.  That means my entire family, with few exceptions, has been all together once a week for several years now.

There are only four of us, in my family, and I know that in a larger one, or one that is more widely spread, this would not have been possible.  Toby is one of eight kids, and it has been a few years since everyone was all in the same place at the same time.  (We may get them all together when Levi returns from his mission in India in a couple of months, so high-five!)

What have we done with our Thursdays?  Nothing spectacular, usually.  Laural and I have gone to Kansas City a few times.  We always try to go between our birthdays (early September and mid-October), unless the Halloween corset rush makes it impossible.  We missed this year entirely due to Halloween and my enormous pregnancy at that time.

Mostly, though, we have just hung out at Mom and Dad's house.   We eat and watch TV and just do nothing of importance.  But we've done it together.  Now things will be more difficult.  Instead of a standing Thursday date, we'll have to plan things. 

Don't get me wrong, I am super excited to see Laural graduate and find a good job.  I just don't like change.  It makes my blog whiny.